Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
