Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
