my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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