I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
