remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
