Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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