Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
