omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
