this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
