the condom got lost in my hair
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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