Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
