I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
