I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
