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Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
