I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
