i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
