I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
