So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
