Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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