I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
