The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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