wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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