i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
