Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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