i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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