lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
