That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
