dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
