If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
