You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
