Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
