Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
