It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
