Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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