I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
