Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
