So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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