saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
