Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
