I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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