Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
