I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
