before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he quoted the bible to break up with me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
