All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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