ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
