Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These tits shall not be calmed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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