Where are you?
In a non slutty way
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
