Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
