i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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