Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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