how can u be prego again
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
