thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
