Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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