im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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