he wants to bone in the snuggie
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
