he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
