What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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