u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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