my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
