I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
